Friday, September 23, 2011


Hello readers!! I am sorry I have not posted (not that many actually read this shit) but life has gotten in the way once again! not much has happened since my last post. No big 9/11 terrorist attack went down despite the rumors, although on the CIA facebook page  >>>click for CIA FB page<<<  there are "terrorists" who keep posting graphic images all over it. At first, I will admit, it did scare me a little.... now it's just annoying as hell.

Brian news: .......... He's home :) He decided to leave his trucking job for CR England because they were screwing him on pay and they wouldn't allow him to come home for his reserve stuff. He is currently looking for a new job but with all the schools his reserve unit wants to send him to for the next few months we may have to wait and see. He is still wanting to go back active duty so we'll see what will happen.


We are both currently on rabbit food diet lol lots of fruits, veggies, light meats and water water water. we've also began to take herbalife and started circuit training workouts.

HOLY HELL!! They are VERY intense workouts! We are hoping to see some results soon although we just started so it may take awhile.

Other than that we are doin alright just livin life day by day and praying for things to work out as they are meant to be! I hope you are all doing well and are smiling in life :)

Tonight's Jam: cause this song makes me cheery and smile


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

9/11 Reflection....

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the day the world stood still.

Although it has been ten years, it really does feel like it was just yesterday. I remember the day very well. I was a freshman in high school.... 13 years old. I was at home, getting ready for school and heard something on the radio about something going on in New York. I ran downstairs and turned on the news and all I could see was one of the towers with dark black smoke billowing out of the top. I tried to get my mothers attention but she just kept yelling at me to "hurry the f*k up" because I was going to be late for school. The image stuck in my head all the way to school. When I got there it was an eerie scene... Almost everyone was in a room somewhere or standing in hallways staring at the TVs. 1st period was my french class and all we did was watch the news in shock and horror. I remember my heart stopping when the 2nd plane hit tower 2. I remember the tears, the silence, the questions, shuffling from class to class in a hurry just so you wouldn't miss anything on TV. 13 years old and the world changing in an instant.

They say that 9/11 is the "Pearl Harbor" of our generation. Before then I never knew how important the towers were. Where Iraq or Afghanistan were. Al-qaeda, Jihad, terrorism, Bin Laden, Hussein... all these and so many other things that were once foreign became apart of everyday life for us all.

Here I am. 24 Years old. Married to a United States Soldier who has fought for our freedom, the war that began shortly after 9/11. Unfortunately this is a different war, a different time and sadly enough this country is NOT united as they were 10 years ago or even 60 years ago during WWII.

We must never forget. We must always remember. I pray that my children and grandchildren will never experience what we all felt that day. I was alive when the world stopped turning, on that September day.

Tonight's Song:


Monday, September 5, 2011

Regarding the Soulja Tard.....

it's been awhile since I've blogged... SOORRRRRYYYY!!!! Just haven't had much to say lately. My life has been pretty redundant....

I get up. Go to work. Come home and avoid housework.

BUUUTTTT Good news for me- My moose comes home this week! Yay! We (our marriage) has been going wonderfully lately! Brian has decided to go back to Active Duty- well TRY to. He said he misses it way too much so now the plan is to go back. Not sure how long it will take, when, where etc.... So till then he will be trying to find a local job close to home so he can work on his PT and weight.

NOW after that little quick update, here's the reason behind tonight's blog: SOULJA BOY.

OHHHHHH myyyy fucking GOD.

If you are "out" of the loop on this one, lemme explain. "Soulja Boy" decided for god knows what reason, to release his new song "Let's be real" in which one section of the lyrics says "Fuck The FBI & Fuck The Army Troops Fightin' For What? Bitch Be Your Own Man"


Talk about shooting yourself in the foot! Within seconds of this being released everyone who supports the troops and law enforcement community became enraged... myself included. Now I've tried to see it from the point of view of the stupidity of people like him; he's using his freedom of speech.

OK I get that part. But just like the Westboro Baptist "Cult" doesn't mean the majority will agree. Although many people oppose this war, they still SUPPORT the troops, so when you say something offense about the troops that often results in anger, hate and revenge. So as of now I see this so called "Soulja" right up there on America's shit list along with Westboro. Can you say Career is now over?

It's gone as far as the military community requesting AAFES (Army & Air Force Exchange Service) to have his music and what not pulled from the shelves! Now they did it when the Dixie Chicks did their little Publicity stunt (and ruined their careers as well) so this may happen again.

Now mind you all this has happened within the last week or so. it's still "new" so the word is still being spread around. There's a group of service members who are apart of  REDCON-1 music label and one of them STEPHEN HOBBS wrote a 'rebuttal' song for it:

And that's just the start of it... it even has an "Action Therapy" video as well:

Now "Soulja Boy" released his own statement, blaming RACISM on his behalf, that is the reason as to WHY everyone hates him (see link below)........... yea that MUST be it. Regardless I see this as a good way to show those who oppose troops, war and everything else that while you have the right to express freedom of speech: DON'T forget who it was that PROTECTS the RIGHT for you to hate on them. Didn't your mamas teach you "Don't bite the hand that feeds you"????

Tonight's Jam: REAL SOLDIER'S!!! HOOAH!!!



Sunday, August 21, 2011

"Oh Tonight"

I saw this on another blog and I thought it'd be fun to do. Haven't done these since the "myspace" days lol. I don't have much to say tonight. Pretty quiet night. I did realize one thing however.... I miss my husband.


1. What are your middle names? Alexander and Rae

2. How long have you been together? Almost 2 years, married for almost 1.... still feels like a lifetime....

3. How long did you know each other before you started dating? Apparently a while - met at a party- but neither of us really remember that

4. Who asked who out? He did. I played hard to get ;)

5. How old are each of you? He's 23 and I am 24.....eek I am cradle robbin' lol

6. Did you go to the same school? Nope

7. Are you from the same home town? Eh. Sorta. our "towns" are just townships that are like 15 mins apart lol

8. Who is the smartest? Me, duh. Ok, just kidding. We've got different kinds of smarts. I'm a smart-ass, he's "tactical" smart... his intelligence is applicable to real life... well, his life anyway ;-)

9. Who majored in what? He's a major pain in my arse. LOL jk. He hasn't really decided on a major but I believe he would major in military history or some sort of trade. I would love to double major in CJ and family sciences so I could be a juvenile probation officer :)

10. Who is the most sensitive? Hmm... We can both be really sensitive. I am sensitive more often, I think.

11. Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? To hell and back... does that count? lol jk Probably to Albquerque for the PBR earlier this year.

12. Who has the worst temper? Me. Hands down.

13. How many children do you want? 2 but we've dabbled in the idea of 3.

14. Who does the cooking? Me unless its grilling- he's king of the grill.

15. Who is more social? We are both the type that will just start talking to anyone. That's kind of how we hit it off. We had no friends in common, no one introduced us, him and his friends just started talking to me and I started picking on him and we hit it off.

16. Who is the neat freak? Both and neither. We don't mind keeping clean but sometimes we get lazy. Unless company comes over I go OCD on that stuff.

17. Who is the most stubborn? Ohhh man. We're horribly stubborn people.

18. Who wakes up earlier? Helloooo he's been in the Army for how long!? he's awake before the sun. Me? I'd prefer to sleep til noon

19. Where was your first date? My secret.
20. Who has the bigger family? Me. By like 300

21. Do you get flowers often? More often than I would ask for! He's on top of it :)

22. How do you spend the holidays? We try our hardest to spend it all evenly with each of our parents (his parents, my moms, my daddy and step moms)

23. Who is more jealous? Me. He's very secure, knows I've only got eyes for him. I know he's only got eyes for me but I still will cut you if you look at him.

24. How long did it take to get serious? Not very long lol Some things are just meant to be :)

25. Who eats more? OhEmGee HIM.

26. What do you do for a living? I hang out. He saves the country and drives trucks.
Ok, seriously, I am an Animal Control officer (NOT LIKE THE TV SHOW) and Army Wifey (AGAIN, NOT LIKE THE TV SHOW) and now a new adventure as a truck drivers wife. He is in the United States Army.... was active duty till recently and is now reserves. He just started truck driving but has expressed interest in other fields and possibly going back to active duty.

27. Who does the laundry? I do most of it, but he has helped :)

28. Who's better with the computer? Probably me...

29. Who drives when you are together? Whew that is an arguement. He says my driving sucks, I say his is a nightmare...

30. What is your song? We are BIG music lovers we have so many we love but i'll name off a few:
~"Oh Tonight" -Josh Abbott Band
~"No Doubt About It" - Neal McCoy

~"My kind of woman/My kind of man" - Vince Gill
~"Amen kind of love"- Daryle Singletary
~"Cross my heart"- George Strait (everyone has that song)


Tonight's Jam: A video I had made along with one of "our" songs :)


Saturday, August 20, 2011

Missing "Me"

I know they say you change as you get older. I know it for a fact. The way I think, act, and look all tell me so. It's funny how I look back and see how much I have evolved as a person.

For starters:

~I cannot finish a 30 pack on my own anymore.
~I cannot stay up all day, night and then some.
~I cannot go all day without eating
~I cannot go without sleeping at least 5 hours (even that isn't enough)
~I cannot pick fights with everyone......... hahah just kidding, I still do that.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my life the way it is now. Granted with responsibility comes stress and lord knows we could all use a little LESS stress..... But with my "old" life I lived without an ounce of responsibility. I surely regret that now (DEBT!!!) but then again you can't live life with regrets, just remember the lesson and don't ever do that shit again!!!

In my "new" found self I now can:
~live on a budget
~save my liver a little more everyday
~not go insane on booze, instead I know my limits
~KNOW when to pick a fight

The point is I sometimes miss my "old" self. Not in how much booze I could put down or how much I partied because we all know I could hang with the best lol No I miss my self esteem I used to have... even though it wasn't much. I miss the drive I had,  I miss my creativity, my old body, my wild and silly self. I was always giggling, laughing, smiling and seeing the good in everything.

I keep wondering if life has sucked that out of me? With all of my "mistakes" I have made so far in my life I had to deal with some unwanted consequences and in doing so it seems to have made me pessimistic? I really want that part of me back. I want to smile a genuine smile. I want to close my eyes, feel the sun on my face, the breeze against my hair and feel good about myself. I know I need to reach deep down inside and find myself again. I really do. Perhaps if I find the good in me again, it will bring the "good" in my life again.....
Was cleaning out the bookshelf and found my old "books" I wrote of poetry. Here's an old entry:

Close your eyes
And think of my face....

I'm Smiling

Open your lips, speak with your heart
and you can see my soul....

I'm Waiting

Place your arms around my waist
and you can embrace my uncertainty....

I'm Shaking

Press your lips against mine
and try to catch me...

I'm falling

Tonight's Jam:


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Story of the Moose.....

So it was brought to my attention... That my "moose" that I have - has a famous scene in the movie "The Princess Diaries 2". If you're not sure here's the clip courtesy of bootube:

SO. No. That is not where the "moose" comes from. If you haven't noticed, the URL "Teddy Moose Family" is what we call our family. The story goes:

While Brian was deployed this last deployment of course I missed him dearly. At the time we only had Diesel dog who was very bored with me as I spent my time at work, on the phone or glued to my laptop just to get every chance I could with Brian via the interwebs. During the winter, the cold gloomy days were awful having no one to cuddle with except fuzzball here lol. During one yahoo instant messanger conversation (before skype was "big") we had a video chat going and I was cuddled up in my big saddle blanket, Brian asked if I was warm enough? I said no, I needed him to cuddle with. He laughed and said, "What am I? A teddy bear?!" I said, "No honey your bigger than a bear you're like a moose! LOL Teddy Moose!"

And the name stuck.

"Moose" "Teddy Moose" "Mr. Moose" "TM" many nicknames came from that name and I, too got some nicknames following the same name just adding "MRS" to it. When we welcomed Shyanna and Dakoda into our family they too became our "little mooses". I know "mooses" isn't a word but it works lol.

So thats where "Teddy Moose" came from. Now when he got back from deployment, on his way into the states, they had stopped in Bangor, Maine. He bought me a stuffed moose at the airport lol. Little did he know I had done the same here! When we saw each other again we exchanged "mooses" and ever since they have been at our bedsides. When either of us has to leave for whatever amount of time, our moose go with us so we have that little bit of each other to go with us where ever we are.
Silly, I know. It's the little things that count <3

Tonight's Jam:



Monday, August 8, 2011

With a flip of a quarter......

Well as you may or may NOT have been following up with the story here.... Brian and I are going through a rough patch in our marriage. EVERY marriage has it's moments and NO ONE is "immune" from these days or moments in life.

Well I am HAPPY to report that we have gone 2 whole days without any arguing, fighting, or any negativity :)

Considering how awful things were before this is a big improvement. We hope to continue this pattern. I don't know what triggered this good wave of good juju latey and I don't plan on questioning it. Perhaps is me dealing with snot nosed, two faced biznatch Army Wives and given em a peace of my mind. LOL Either way I am so thrilled and hopeful and excited! I can't wait to see him again, although I don't know when that will be

On a sadder note my baby boy Diesel has come down with possibly "Kennel Cough". It breaks my heart when he gets sick or hurt cause I just wanna ease his pain, and unfortunately animals don't have the ability to tell you what is wrong, they have no voice to express their pains and sorrows :(

I have taken him to the vet before for what i thought was kennel cough and they gave me some suggestions to try and treat it at home, which is what i'm doing now = Robitussin. LOL Like a kid I have to chase him down and force it down his throat hehehe... I just pray it works! So prayers for me as well that he gets to feelin better!

My sis and I saw the last of our friends leave today. Deployments are awful I will admit, for ANYONE. Wife, Fiance, girlfriend, friend, sister, brother, cousin, mom, dad, aunt, uncle etc.... it's equally painful and equally hard to watch them leave. I pray for everyone's safe return soon<3

Well I am avoiding the dishes once more so I think i'll actually call it an early night tonight, considering I've only had about 2 hours of sleep last night..... Tomorrow I go back to rowing with the other slaves.... Bleh. I love my job but the lack of pay is really getting to me :(

Tonight's JAMMMMM:


Friday, August 5, 2011


No words tonight..... Just a video that sums up how i'm feeling....


Thursday, August 4, 2011


Interesting night at work. Tried to give a girl a citation and she refused to give me her drivers license and said that she deserved a warning first.....


NO. You violated the law therefore you deserve a citation. I was hoping she would get arrested for it, she sure put up a fight, I know thats an awful thing to say but its the truth.....


Talked with Brian today, he is leaving tomorrow morning with his trainer and will be on the road for about a month straight..... our conversations will be cut in half at that point... not like we talk much anyways BUT still sucks. He sounded chipper and so did I. I do miss him. I feel if he was home we could fix things alot sooner and easier but THAT would be TOO convenient. Gotta work from scratch. He is still giddy over his box and so am I. It feels good when he shows appreciation. I know our situation could be a thousand times worse like many girls I know and i'm very lucky for that. I miss him so very much and I wish things could be different and granted we say "Well, what if...." but life isn't about "what if's" or "shoulda, coulda's" life is about the here and now and what to do to change the path you are going down.

Being busy at work has helped keep me from going insane, the always dirty house due to my lovely 3 brats is also helping. Have another d-day for another buddy who is leaving soon coming up and that'll of course break my heart again. My sister will hopefully be going with me again and she is always a much needed shoulder. I miss being apart of the "Army-sisterhood" because I had many shoulders to lean on but ever since we got out seems all that support was pulled out from under me so it has been tough to have to remember what it was like to have to depend on only myself again.... it's not impossible task but it's still hard. I can do it, i've had to do it before many times.

I am really wanting a steady sleep schedule back again, that for sure I miss the most.....


Tonight's Jam (I feel like some comedy): LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING!!!


Better days ahead

While today was a little stressful and what not in my mind... it was a bit clouded.

Brian sent a few nice and meaningful text messages. I was happy he got my little care package that I sent him while he is away. Been thinking alot today and it's been a long thought.

I want to fix things with my husband but with him gone........... I don't know HOW or even if we can?!

That hardest thing I guess is putting myself back out there again.... I tried so hard and when things began to fell through I felt myself pulling back into my shell that I get into.

I don't do well with bad things in my life. I may have to be "tough" but I am quick to build a wall around my heart and just because I am married I don't see myself from NOT doing that anymore. I protect my heart like a mother bear protects her cub....

Either way I have issues thinking lately...... especially since I just about burned the house down just now.... (left a pot of boiling water empty)

*sigh* bedtime is gonna come early I think. Instead of 3am i'm gonna shoot for 1am hahah

Tonights Jam:


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

"Save My Marriage"

..............................Where the F**k do I start!?!

In "Normal" situations we could go to marriage counseling or therapy or happy hour or something...


He's gone?

No idea where to start. We want to fix things. We BOTH want things to be as they used to be. Granted things will never be the same because WE are not the same. We've said and done things and have the challenge is to change with it, let our marriage change, evolve and grow.
There are some personal issues I have within myself that I feel the need to correct..... I think if I can heal myself I can help heal our marriage. I know Brian has to do the same but his are a little bit more difficult to deal with so I guess I can leave it be. Regardless, someday (I hope soon) we can sit down and work through this together. But for now is finding where the "slack" is in our marriage. We don't work as a team and we need to. This marriage is more than he or I - it's US and WE need to UNITE to figure this shit out.... Here's to hoping for really fixing things this time around.....

My head is itchy today... I wish It was my left hand.... old wives' tale: itchy left hand= money. Lord knows we could use it.

Gonna start looking around for some assistance here for marriage counseling or some kind of therapy that will accept the fact that it'll probably be just me for now till he can either come home or some other arrangements can be made.

Gonna watch "Interview with A Vampire" and dream of things that'll never happen

Tonight's song:


Monday, August 1, 2011

Remind me......

Sometimes I can't help but remember how wonderful it was to be a newlywed.

what it was like to be so head over heels mushy-gushy in love......
Now that awful feeling knowing that moment has gone and disappeared.

Now we strive for that feeling and moment again but at the same time wondering if we're better off.

I fear what once was is now lost forever. It scares me.

Do I want to give up? -yes Can I? -not really.

I wish I had a single sign or guidance of some kind. I sure feel so alone and lost and I just wish things would be different. I can't help but think back and wish to change things..... Never had so many regrets before in my life and suddenly it's every little thing. I heard this song (Tonight's song) and it fits. I want that happiness back again. I wanna feel that love again. I am so burned out and tired......

I don't want to fight anymore
I don't want to argue anymore
I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to feel helpless or alone anymore
I don't want to feel lost or stressed anymore
I don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck with 2 incomes anymore
I don't want to be unhappy anymore.

I want THIS back!!

Tonight's Song:


Sunday, July 31, 2011

One day at a time....

Today was hard. My sister and I decided to see our great friend (my "BFF") off as he deployed today.
*Sigh* these things aren't easy. Granted it wasn't my husband but he is still my family and it still hurts.

But we did well in a sense that we didn't cry when we said our "see you laters" nor did we cry when we dropped another buddy off at his barracks... we DID bawl our friggin eyes out right after that. I'm so glad she went with me..... She made it alot easier to deal with, even though it's not really EASY anyways. We spent a few hours on post, took a walk and just tried to wind down. Deployment days are physically and emotionally draining I am so tired.

On the way home we had a really great discussion:

My sister and I are not blood related. she is like a best friend but more. Anyways, she grew up with a Marine mother and Navy father.... nuff said. I grew up with a mother who grew up on a farm and a father who grew up on a ranch. Yet I am the one who married the soldier. She told me today that she doesn't think she could survive the deployments, trainings, TDY's and other things... that she admired the women who do. She asked me how I do it.... I simply said:

"One day at a time"

One day at a time is all I can do.

Lately I just don't have an appetite...but I make myself eat, even though it may not be much.
I don't feel like sleeping...but my body is tired so I lay down till I can eventually relax enough to sleep.
I don't want to work, clean or do anything BUT I do it.

I think that deployments when you have children have to be a little easier. Not in a sense that it's easier being alone without the love of your life, but the fact that someone NEEDS you. Like my dogs... they are all I have but they NEED me. They need to be fed, walked, played with, loved etc.... so it gives me a reason to get up in the mornings (even if I don't want to). If I had a child and Brian was deployed, it'd be easier because it would keep me busy, and get myself down to a routine that would help with the separation. Yes it would be hard because I'd be doing it all alone but the fact that I know I have to keep striving, to keep going every single day because someone depends on it.... makes the drive to survive the deployments that much easier and feasible.

That's my opinion. I guess when we have children and if/when Brian deploys my feelings or opinions may change.....

All I know is that I pray for every one's safe return soon, especially my BFF<3

Tonight's Song:


Saturday, July 30, 2011


I thought this week would NEVER END!!!

What an AWFUL week! It was topped off with an evil centipede finding refuge in my living room, sucker did NOT want to die!!!! now i'm paranoid... FML

I miss Brian like crazy. Right now my biggest thing is that I feel guilty. My husband is gone, yes. He is working in a field that is dangerous, yes. BUT he's not deploying (although it feels that way). We've gone through a deployment before so this has some familiarity but it's not the same and I feel guilty. I've met some amazing women who are also stationed at Bliss, and they are going through another deployment... yet this time we aren't apart of it. I am grateful my husband is at least in the states and we can talk often but I too hurt....yet I feel like I cannot say anything because a wife of a deployed spouse can take that the wrong way and go off the deep end.

Brian feels the same way as well. He is hating that he is having to stay behind while his battle's leave. I don't know how to go about this feeling......


How do we stay behind while what was once our world goes on without us??? Brian is still "enlisted" in RESERVES not active duty... but its two different worlds. Everything is meant for a reason but this reason is leaving me in the dark, alone and in very unfamiliar territory. What I wouldn't give for things to make sense again... and even that makes me feel so guilty. I wish I could find solid ground again, to be able to get back to a sense of normal, something to make me feel less paranoid, or just plain ol happy.... Tomorrow's a new day and a new week. One day at a time.....

Tonights song:


Bruises and Tears......


This has GOT to be the worst week ever. Tonight, due to us being so short handed I was the only officer on duty..... FML It was the night that would NEVER end! Not only was I so friggin busy that I had to pend ALOT of calls for the AM but I was off duty late, I slammed fingers, hands, banged and bumped my head, my legs, shins, knees, elbows.

And WTF!? EVERYONE was catching dogs today.. BIG dogs, AGGRESSIVE dogs, what a bloody mess... literally.

AND to top it all off I was volun-TOLD that I was on-call tonight. Yay go me.

So here's to little to NO sleep, up at the ass-crack of dawn to take daddy out for his birthday, grab some groceries, then off to work ANOTHER shift alone. Thank god it's my "friday" tomorrow. One more day and i'm gonna put myself in a cage.

Tonight I cried. Mostly out of frustration. Seems like when Brian is gone is when all shit goes to hell really fast. The whole crap with my neighbor, then my work, my owies, all the housework, dishes piling up, laundry all over the place, dog kennel is a mess, yard needs work, and possibility of deployment coming...... Jeez. When it rains it pours....Well right now its BUCKETS on me, not raindrops BUCKETS. Nights like this I would give anything for Brian to be home, buuuuuuuuuuuuuut he's not so guess what?! looks like mama's gonna have buck it up, suck it up and hup to.....

Tonight's Jam:


Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pre-meditated Murder................

Is sounding really good right now.............

I get home tonight from... hoping to be able to relax off duty... to the sounds of my neighbor banging on mailboxes TAUNTING my dogs!?


He has said in the past that they bark alot... Okay lets "break this down"


Yes they are dogs, they BARK. I have been home when they are outside in the kennel all day they DO NOT bark ALL THE TIME.

They bark: When they see something (rabbits, quail, stray dogs, the shadows from the trees or me coming home, strangers)

THAT IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My neighbor messing with my dogs is not gonna help it! *sigh* Why has this been such a shitty week?! Really fate?! REALLY!?

Ugh I don't even wanna think about tomorrow.......

Tonight's song: (I am hating life right now BTW)


Worst. Night. EVER (so far)..............

Nothing like plowing a dog with your unit to add to the week......

Dog is fine. I am fine.

but really fate?! REALLY!?

Talk about shite.

Long story.........

I wanna cry into hubbies arms and just have him tell me "it's gonna be okay" but he's not here so I shall cuddle into my laptop and hope tomorrow is better....

Sorry this isn't a good post right now my mind is fried and I am so upset and no one to vent on...

Tonights song:


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Thunderstorms and bloody paws......


Just as it sounds lol. Today was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. Nothing was going right, everyone was pissing me off..... I just wanted to park and hide and sleep away the rest of my shift.

Slowly came down from evil-ness when it cooled off and began to sprinkle. Of course that ended but it was calm and quiet I loved it. For hours I watched the 3 different storms around me.... dark rolling clouds, distant thunder and sparks of lightning. As the sun faded the lightning got brighter and my stress dwindled, a bittersweet moment for me as I am always stressing. It's moments like this I miss him even more but the silence of being alone and no one else around is a guilty pleasure.
Of course this was all ruined by a feral dog I had to impound that went flippin ballistic. Pup was biting the bite stick and doing death rolls (look em up on google- alligators do em) that it gave me quite the workout. Blood all over my pants and bite stick I guess was the cherry on today....

*Sigh* I would love another thunderstorm right about now...... and chicos tacos.

Tonights Song:


Monday, July 25, 2011

My GTL......

GTL: Gym, Tanning, laundry.....

While this is the "normal" meaning for GTL.....

To a wife who's husband is gone it means "Get up, Try to move through the day, Lie on the bed but never actually sleep"

With Brian gone again, I am having to re-learn life before him. Does NOT mean he has been replaced or removed. He's still apart of my life but in order to "carry on" I have to do every thing now.

EXAMPLE: Things on the very top shelf
BEFORE: "Briannnn can youuu get THAT pweeeze!"
NOW: Get chair (that is half broken) climb on that, climb on counters... Mission Accomplished

I have to admit. I don't know how I got through life before him. I mean I KNOW cause I was very independent at a young age but now that I'm married it's like the other half of my very BEING is gone and I must learn to make up for it.... it is TWICE as hard but I can do it. I have to because if I don't I will fail. Mistakes will happen, i'll cry, i'll get pissed off, i'll get frustrated, etc... but hey thats all apart of the journey to becoming a stronger wife who's husband is gone.

Tonight's Song:


Sunday, July 24, 2011



Has anyone ever SEEN this show?! Oh holy hell! I do NOT get how these husbands could even THINK about marrying these women!? Here's an example:

I don't understand why people go bazerk over a wedding day. Seriously, its ONE day. Granted its something we all dreamed about as little girls and on my wedding day BITCHING and STRESSING is the LAST thing I ever wanted to do. I even drank before to help me chill out.

Also.... Spending a ton of money WTF!!!! It's on shit you'll never USE again whyyyy people!?

I guess i'm a cheap date lol. Well day one was a fail. I am very unmotivated, sad, mopey, blahhh. I didn't sleep but a couple of hours, but I did go out to a friend's babyshower and hung out with my best friend. It was nice and weird at the same time. It's crazy how much I couldn't wait for my husband to leave because we were fighting so much but now that he is gone I want him back. C'est la vie.

Tomorrow I am going to try and be motivated. Do some laundry, hit the gym.... one day at a time. 



Well. Brian is gone for a few months. He left today. Yes I cried but not in front of him i'm very proud to say! Granted this isn't a deployment but it still hurts, he's still gone and i'm still sad. He has gone for training for his new job and so it's just me and the muttski's for awhile. .....

I feel I won't be sleeping much for awhile....

Yes i'm being a baby and I don't care. Just frustrating for me because it's not a deployment people think I shouldn't be sad or say things (via FB) because others are going through a deployment .... ugh IDGAF

So here's my lullaby for tonight....


Monday, July 18, 2011

Never leaving high school....

I seriously believe I am back in high school..............

Between drama from wives on post

to drama between hoe bags I know in real life.....

It seems like this crap will never end!


To many girls I know who have their nose shoved up in the air and up their own asses infuriates the living hell out of me. And I wish so badly I could punch some of them. But I guess I have to let life do it for me!

...........I don't have much to say today... my mind is tired and heavy with thoughts. I shall post another day when I don't get pissed off just seeing some girl's face. 


Thursday, July 7, 2011


So. i've gained some freakin pounds.

Not too thrilled or happy about it.

Especially since all my friends are thin and when i'm in uniform I look TWICE as big.

So Here's my Motivation list:

1- get to fit in the thousand and some pairs of jeans that are up in the closet that you've saved.....

2- Bra size goes DOWN (I  hope)

3- Finish your tattoo

4- Fit in the thosand and 1 shirts again that are also in the closet

5- lookin better than any buckle bunny hoe bag that you know (and thats ALOT of em)

6- Impress hubby :)

7- CONFIDENCE back - or at least have some again

I can do this! Today is day 1: Weight in: 165 - YIKES!!

well.............gotta start somewhere????

Thursday, June 16, 2011

My reflection.......

Who am I? Who have I become? What have I accomplished so far in my life? Who am I INSIDE!?

I have lost my touch with reality sometimes..... With my faith, with hope, with love</3

Love: What does it mean anymore? Does it mean starting over? Working through everything.... and praying for success, but preparing for failure?

I know i'm not perfect. I don't expect anyone else to be.

I am broken and I need to be fixed........ The thing is I don't know how to even fix myself or where to even start.....


Sunday, June 12, 2011


People piss me off. I am sick of stupid girls. Stupid guys and stupid people in general. I am sick of this town. I want out! I feel trapped here..... like I can't breathe or somethin! I can't wait to leave lol

Anyways back to blogging.....

I have officially been released and am a full fledged officer. As far as the "Love Dare" goes we haven't been keepin .........okay I haven't cause I fall asleep as we read it every night. Brian says its good lol

Tomorrow we are goin to a BBQ with some friends of ours... battles from Brians old unit last deployment. After they all got back we all got scattered through out the post. Well now everyone is goin different ways and this will be a good chance for us to hang out again before all that happens. I will miss everyone so much!!!

Tonight was also the last episode for this season of "Army Wives" </3 and they aren't starting a new season till NEXT year boo! 

Well thats it for me ............ my brain is mush i'm tired gonna eat some popcorn and chillax...


Sunday, June 5, 2011


So my husband says I was a fish in another life because I love the water so much..........

Of course my Zodiac symbol is "Aquarius" <3

January 21 - February 19
Slogan: "I know, therefore am"


Aquarius is the most unpredictable sign of the zodiac.

Aquarius women are referred to as the “heavenly bohemians,” because they seem to have their own rules and regulations as to their conduct and they completely reject others telling them what to do.

Aquarius is a fixed, airy sign. This means that these are girls are very rational by nature and exceedingly firm in their opinions.

Although an Aquarian woman might disagree completely with what you believe, she will certainly be open-minded enough to support your personal right to your beliefs.

Do not attempt to impose your ideas or philosophies upon the Aquarius woman as she will powerfully resist any attempt by you to influence, or change in any way, how she goes about leading her life.

There are however, a minority of Aquarian women who are quite prejudiced. They tend to keep within only their own group and reject all other system of belief as false and unimportant compared to the “real truth” that they know to be right. The majority of Water Bearers however, are social experimenters and futuristic defenders of the oppressed and downtrodden.
You never really know who is exactly everybody, either the personality, interest, likes/dislikes or life reference of hers/his. However, since you are connected to an Aquarian woman, you'd better learn, might be abit, about her. Here is a few quoted about aquarian female:

The Aquarius woman can be described as unconventional, unpredictable and inconsistent. Aquarius personality is difficult to understand. An Aquarius woman sees the world differently. She is beautiful, having captivating eyes and a unique type of hair texture. She neither wears flashy clothes nor is fashion conscious. On the contrary, she will be dressed in a highly unusual manner, combining both the old and latest fashion trends. Yet, it looks good! She is talkative, honest, likes adventures, but is quite paradoxical.....
Independence and freedom are the most prized qualities of the Aquarius female. The normal society norms are not for her, and she never likes being directed. You will also notice that she will never follow the exact instructions given by anyone (including recipe books...hahahha...really?). She likes to experiment with everything. She has myriad of interests and needs freedom to pursue them. As she is intelligent and imaginative, she can find any subject under the sky interesting and will not hesitate in pursuing her interests.

Well, everyone has plus and minus on the both sides :)


Saturday, June 4, 2011

Love Dare Progress.....

As you may or may not know Brian and I have started "The Love Dare"


1st night we forgot about it.. then last night I fell asleep as he read it... we'll try again tonight...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Rain Showers............

Yesterday it rained <3 after 100+ days without a drop it was such a sweet pleasure! I loved being able to drive in my unit with the windows rolled down..... taking in the sweet smells of the desert and farm fields......

Today its supposed to rain again.......... that would be nice! hell let it rain all summer! lol

Also today.... Brian & I will be starting "The Love Dare"

Our marriage has changed. we have changed. we love each other very much - that won't ever change.... but we are no longer in the "honeymoon" phase. They say this is the time when most marriages go through the hardest times. I just pray we make it through it. God has saved me in my darkest and hardest times and now I hope that he can help save my marriage.

Mostly its me that needs the healing. I have alot wrong with me and I need help. Its taken me this long to ask for it- yup i'm that stubborn... but better late than never. I'm willing to change to find myself again. I need that feeling that isn't paranoid, scared, lonely or many other things..... So today is DAY1. And I hope that it will be a great experience because I am tired of feeling like my world is going to collapse from under me. That is not a good way to live.

So.......... Today is a new day. God see me through this one okay?


Monday, May 30, 2011

Updaatteeeee :)

Okay, Okay

I know we said we (as in BOTH OF US) were gonna keep this updated more often.....

Epic FAIL.

So: Gonna try to do this again....

Lets see: Brian is out of the Army- Active Duty anyways..... He is now Reserve -at least for the next 6 years. It's not what he wanted BUT it keeps him in the Army so it's a start... he says he wants to get back in so I just want my husband happy.....

I- FINALLY quit my job at MVRDA :) (times a billion)

I am now happily ACO at DASO ... its less pay... WAY less BUT it's more of what I want and it gets me in the right direction of being a law enforcement officer :)

We gained another kiddo - Dakota... she was given to us by our friend Adam, she is another blue heeler. adorable and very well behaved. has some learning to do but she's gonna fit just fine lol........


Um. What else.............

There are other things going on buuuuttt not sure if I should say... lol Yes I am blog-shy too many people who stalk... and no not my followers I mean like ... well nosey beeeeches (russian accent for bitches) from my husbands past and mine who just don't know how to go the f- away.... lol

No kids for us .......still. we'd like children but right now we have decided to just wait because with Brian going back to school & readjusting into the civillian world & my new career we gotta wait till things settle. Figure God will say when time is right.......

So thats it. Work & home. Dogs and marriage..... thats all we have done lately... I know lame. Jeez even the Blues Clues cartoons are more entertaining... lol

Tilllllllllllllll next time .......................

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Upppeerrrr - date :)

First its been a long time since i've blogged- my bad :) Alot has happened so I'll update everyone that reads my blog:

1- Mi yob..... Well I can happily say that I have put in my resingation and will be starting a new yob in a couple of weeks!! I'm so excited! YESSSSSSSSSS its a paycut BUT its getting me in a better direction of where I want to go with my career!

2-Brian's yob........... *sigh* Once again I am saddened to say but his CoC (chain of command) have yet to give us a definite answer of YES or NO if he can extend or not EVEN THOUGH many others have extended with a flag on their profile. Its a big long drama mess.... Not the most professional group of people if you ask me. We have discussed a plan if/when he will get out what our next move will be. Everything will work out *FINGERS CROSSED*

3- Health. Mine is in the shitter/ he's been working out

4- Kiddos AKA Dogs- They are here... shaved Diesel for the winter & Shyanna still an attention whore....

5- Family- is doing well :) My mom had her surgery & is recovering well, Brians parents are doing well too busy busy busy folks and my daddy & step mama are doing well as they are busy people too


I think thats it? I got a new tattoo that I looooooooooooove :) lol. We took a trip recently George strait & Reba concert then PBR Ty Murray Invitaitonal... that entire weekend was AMAZING!! <3 It was a getaway that we so very much needed. I think its healthy for a couple (married or not) to get away from everyone and everything to reconnect and find their love again especially after everyday life & stress puts a strain on your heart and soul ......

Thats all I can think of for now folks... I have a headache so i'm gonna cut it here. Please leave responses as I know that someone is actually reading this stuff lol

Till next time............

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Teen Mom 2

...... You may or may not have seen the show "Teen Mom 2"

Well its basically a spin off from the "16 & Pregnant" series on MTV that talks about......... you guess it! Being 16 & pregnant..... Now some say it almost glorifies teen pregnancy. Others say it sheds a new light on what these young girls go through........

Ok. Reality check.

Had this been me? Pretty sure my mom would have disowned me, wouldn't be "excited" and sure as hell wouldn't put my story on TV!!! They act like its going to be a breeze and some don't even ACT like a parent! I think its great they want a future and want to go to college but they can cause mommy & daddy pay for everything. Real world folks - majority- have to work anywhere & everywhere to support themselves & their kids... and even that is cutting it close as many are finding themselves on welfare just to get by. The girls on the show are LUCKY. One doesn't work, one goes to school, one doesn't work AND doesn't go to school (she is too distracted by her baby daddy) and the 4th "Janelle" well she's 10 shades of messed up. I know I shouldn't be one to judge but if your gonna live your life on the media be prepared for criticisim.... I feel for the parents but one of the mom's is a total whack job (if you've seen the show yknow who i'm talkin about) and its just a big drama. These girls are not in their right mind to do this and by "right mind" i mean maturity wise, reality wise.... Some have said that once i've had children my mind will change but I guess its too late for that as I am reaching my mid 20's childless .......

either way. ....

I just can't put down the damn remote!!!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Flip the quarter.........

So our life has recently changed. Plans have changed. The future is not set. Right now its all day by day and that really sucks as I am not that kind of person I like to somewhat have a plan or idea of whats going to happen... but right now that isn't gonna be it. I pray things work out for us and am trying to understand that everything happens for a reason... whatever that reason may be. I just want whats best for us and seems like certain people are cheating us out of it. Its very frustrating for me to just sit by and watch without saying a word about it. ... but I must do what i'm told lol.... I hope it things change for the better right now.....

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The "Know it all" .....

Yup. We allllllllll know one. and if we're really lucky we know MORE than one! And i'm sure we've all wanted to slap em or something or other. My question is "Why?". What drives someone to pop off and not even consider advice or  something? Granted one's personal experiences or beliefs may make them biased but come on! shut up and AT LEAST listen to what I have to say!! Get your head out of your *** and just listen..... You don't have to agree just shut up and listen...  and nowadays its not the older generation but young ones who are so stubbon and mule headed and feel they are right and you're wrong EVEN though you've already done it or experienced it.

Saturday, January 8, 2011


Lord & behold we made it another year w00t!

I cannot believe its 2011. Where are the flying cars!? lol We had a blast new years! Went to our favorite bar with our two best friends and sooo many more memories made! I am thrilled that Brian was home this year and he got to be my New Years Kiss <3

--sad moment however-- and I STILL cannot believe that it happened---

At one point my best friend Victoria & I went to the little girls room. I was standing at the sinks waiting for her and suddenly it dawned on me that Brian would be gone next year... it REALLY hit me and I just started crying out of no where... of course Victoria consoled me and out of no where the slut faced whore bag assistant manager came up to us asking us (in a rude manner I may add) what was wrong. I explained I was okay just upset, well she popped off "then you obviously have had too much to drink" uhhh no bitch I haven't. I explained that I was sad because my husband was deploying next year and she had the balls to say " well you knew what you were getting into when you married him so buck up and deal with it and we don't want sad people at the bar we want happy people" .... I could have strangled her right then and there. I could not believe the audacity she had to say that to me!! WTF!? I just could NOT believe it!!!!!!!

People like that... they just don't understand what its like for us. They think we ENJOY the separation or that we live for it!? yea I don't think so !!

But that is a perfect example of my new years resolution: BE A BETTER PERSON. In every way I can!
Be nicer
More helpful
Laugh more
Smile often
Give more
Understand more
Forgive more
Pray more
Treat others better

I just want to be more of a positive person because don't positive actions get positive Reactions?

So many exciting things are coming this year I can feel it and I hope that its gonna be a good year :)