I know they say you change as you get older. I know it for a fact. The way I think, act, and look all tell me so. It's funny how I look back and see how much I have evolved as a person.
~I cannot pick fights with everyone......... hahah just kidding, I still do that.
In my "new" found self I now can:
~live on a budget
The point is I sometimes miss my "old" self. Not in how much booze I could put down or how much I partied because we all know I could hang with the best lol No I miss my self esteem I used to have... even though it wasn't much. I miss the drive I had, I miss my creativity, my old body, my wild and silly self. I was always giggling, laughing, smiling and seeing the good in everything.
I keep wondering if life has sucked that out of me? With all of my "mistakes" I have made so far in my life I had to deal with some unwanted consequences and in doing so it seems to have made me pessimistic? I really want that part of me back. I want to smile a genuine smile. I want to close my eyes, feel the sun on my face, the breeze against my hair and feel good about myself. I know I need to reach deep down inside and find myself again. I really do. Perhaps if I find the good in me again, it will bring the "good" in my life again.....
Was cleaning out the bookshelf and found my old "books" I wrote of poetry. Here's an old entry:
Open your lips, speak with your heart