Saturday, July 30, 2011


I thought this week would NEVER END!!!

What an AWFUL week! It was topped off with an evil centipede finding refuge in my living room, sucker did NOT want to die!!!! now i'm paranoid... FML

I miss Brian like crazy. Right now my biggest thing is that I feel guilty. My husband is gone, yes. He is working in a field that is dangerous, yes. BUT he's not deploying (although it feels that way). We've gone through a deployment before so this has some familiarity but it's not the same and I feel guilty. I've met some amazing women who are also stationed at Bliss, and they are going through another deployment... yet this time we aren't apart of it. I am grateful my husband is at least in the states and we can talk often but I too hurt....yet I feel like I cannot say anything because a wife of a deployed spouse can take that the wrong way and go off the deep end.

Brian feels the same way as well. He is hating that he is having to stay behind while his battle's leave. I don't know how to go about this feeling......


How do we stay behind while what was once our world goes on without us??? Brian is still "enlisted" in RESERVES not active duty... but its two different worlds. Everything is meant for a reason but this reason is leaving me in the dark, alone and in very unfamiliar territory. What I wouldn't give for things to make sense again... and even that makes me feel so guilty. I wish I could find solid ground again, to be able to get back to a sense of normal, something to make me feel less paranoid, or just plain ol happy.... Tomorrow's a new day and a new week. One day at a time.....

Tonights song: