Worst. Night. EVER (so far)..............

Nothing like plowing a dog with your unit to add to the week......

Dog is fine. I am fine.

but really fate?! REALLY!?

Talk about shite.

Long story.........

I wanna cry into hubbies arms and just have him tell me "it's gonna be okay" but he's not here so I shall cuddle into my laptop and hope tomorrow is better....

Sorry this isn't a good post right now my mind is fried and I am so upset and no one to vent on...

Tonights song:

Thunderstorms and bloody paws......

YUP.

Just as it sounds lol. Today was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. Nothing was going right, everyone was pissing me off..... I just wanted to park and hide and sleep away the rest of my shift.

Slowly came down from evil-ness when it cooled off and began to sprinkle. Of course that ended but it was calm and quiet I loved it. For hours I watched the 3 different storms around me.... dark rolling clouds, distant thunder and sparks of lightning. As the sun faded the lightning got brighter and my stress dwindled, a bittersweet moment for me as I am always stressing. It's moments like this I miss him even more but the silence of being alone and no one else around is a guilty pleasure.

Of course this was all ruined by a feral dog I had to impound that went flippin ballistic. Pup was biting the bite stick and doing death rolls (look em up on google- alligators do em) that it gave me quite the workout. Blood all over my pants and bite stick I guess was the cherry on today....


*Sigh* I would love another thunderstorm right about now...... and chicos tacos.


Tonights Song:

My GTL......

GTL: Gym, Tanning, laundry.....

While this is the "normal" meaning for GTL.....

To a wife who's husband is gone it means "Get up, Try to move through the day, Lie on the bed but never actually sleep"

With Brian gone again, I am having to re-learn life before him. Does NOT mean he has been replaced or removed. He's still apart of my life but in order to "carry on" I have to do every thing now.

EXAMPLE: Things on the very top shelf
BEFORE: "Briannnn can youuu get THAT pweeeze!"
NOW: Get chair (that is half broken) climb on that, climb on counters... Mission Accomplished

I have to admit. I don't know how I got through life before him. I mean I KNOW cause I was very independent at a young age but now that I'm married it's like the other half of my very BEING is gone and I must learn to make up for it.... it is TWICE as hard but I can do it. I have to because if I don't I will fail. Mistakes will happen, i'll cry, i'll get pissed off, i'll get frustrated, etc... but hey thats all apart of the journey to becoming a stronger wife who's husband is gone.



Tonight's Song:

Bridezillas................

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone ever SEEN this show?! Oh holy hell! I do NOT get how these husbands could even THINK about marrying these women!? Here's an example:

I don't understand why people go bazerk over a wedding day. Seriously, its ONE day. Granted its something we all dreamed about as little girls and on my wedding day BITCHING and STRESSING is the LAST thing I ever wanted to do. I even drank before to help me chill out.

Also.... Spending a ton of money WTF!!!! It's on shit you'll never USE again whyyyy people!?


I guess i'm a cheap date lol. Well day one was a fail. I am very unmotivated, sad, mopey, blahhh. I didn't sleep but a couple of hours, but I did go out to a friend's babyshower and hung out with my best friend. It was nice and weird at the same time. It's crazy how much I couldn't wait for my husband to leave because we were fighting so much but now that he is gone I want him back. C'est la vie.

Tomorrow I am going to try and be motivated. Do some laundry, hit the gym.... one day at a time. 



Changes............

Well. Brian is gone for a few months. He left today. Yes I cried but not in front of him i'm very proud to say! Granted this isn't a deployment but it still hurts, he's still gone and i'm still sad. He has gone for training for his new job and so it's just me and the muttski's for awhile. .....

I feel I won't be sleeping much for awhile....


Yes i'm being a baby and I don't care. Just frustrating for me because it's not a deployment people think I shouldn't be sad or say things (via FB) because others are going through a deployment .... ugh IDGAF

So here's my lullaby for tonight....

Never leaving high school....

I seriously believe I am back in high school..............

Between drama from wives on post

to drama between hoe bags I know in real life.....

It seems like this crap will never end!

*facepalm*

To many girls I know who have their nose shoved up in the air and up their own asses infuriates the living hell out of me. And I wish so badly I could punch some of them. But I guess I have to let life do it for me!

...........I don't have much to say today... my mind is tired and heavy with thoughts. I shall post another day when I don't get pissed off just seeing some girl's face. 

Motivation............

So. i've gained some freakin pounds.

Not too thrilled or happy about it.

Especially since all my friends are thin and when i'm in uniform I look TWICE as big.

So Here's my Motivation list:

1- get to fit in the thousand and some pairs of jeans that are up in the closet that you've saved.....

2- Bra size goes DOWN (I  hope)

3- Finish your tattoo

4- Fit in the thosand and 1 shirts again that are also in the closet

5- lookin better than any buckle bunny hoe bag that you know (and thats ALOT of em)

6- Impress hubby :)

7- CONFIDENCE back - or at least have some again


I can do this! Today is day 1: Weight in: 165 - YIKES!!

well.............gotta start somewhere????