My GTL......

GTL: Gym, Tanning, laundry.....

While this is the "normal" meaning for GTL.....

To a wife who's husband is gone it means "Get up, Try to move through the day, Lie on the bed but never actually sleep"

With Brian gone again, I am having to re-learn life before him. Does NOT mean he has been replaced or removed. He's still apart of my life but in order to "carry on" I have to do every thing now.

EXAMPLE: Things on the very top shelf
BEFORE: "Briannnn can youuu get THAT pweeeze!"
NOW: Get chair (that is half broken) climb on that, climb on counters... Mission Accomplished

I have to admit. I don't know how I got through life before him. I mean I KNOW cause I was very independent at a young age but now that I'm married it's like the other half of my very BEING is gone and I must learn to make up for it.... it is TWICE as hard but I can do it. I have to because if I don't I will fail. Mistakes will happen, i'll cry, i'll get pissed off, i'll get frustrated, etc... but hey thats all apart of the journey to becoming a stronger wife who's husband is gone.



Tonight's Song:

Packing.....

*sigh*

Brian handed me the "deployment guide" last night.

not cool.

I don't know about other military wives but watching them pack is a horrible feeling. This sinking feeling deep in the pit of your stomache. You want to rip everything out of the rucksack. You want to just cry hysterically but you end up helping by folding or washing or just watching. You have the TV going but your not really watching. Your phone is going off and you occasionally respond. You have the laptop on just to try and distract you from having to watch them. He jokes and laughs but you just don't know what to do, its obvious you aren't finding any humor right now but you go along with it anyways. Your mind is racing. You think of anything he could possibly be forgetting and he says "I know babe I got it don't worry"... but you DO worry. Your mind is filled with all kinds of thoughts. Memories of what the last one was like, or if this is your first thoughts of how your going to get through this.

The only thing I can thing to say as he packs(besides the tears I try to hold back) is ........

"I'm gonna miss you"