Holiday Reflection.......

So its Christmas Eve and I am writing this from work. Nuff said. As hard as I tried for some reason I just could NOT get into the holiday spirit. But I had no reason NOT to be happy? I have a job that allows me to pay for everything (as much as I despise it here) I have my husband home safe and sound away from war. I have a home and a truck that runs, food in my fridge and clothes on my back. My doggies that I love dearly. Both my parents, Brians parents and our friends. I am so extremely blessed!! So I need to snap out of it ...... 

Packing.....

*sigh*

Brian handed me the "deployment guide" last night.

not cool.

I don't know about other military wives but watching them pack is a horrible feeling. This sinking feeling deep in the pit of your stomache. You want to rip everything out of the rucksack. You want to just cry hysterically but you end up helping by folding or washing or just watching. You have the TV going but your not really watching. Your phone is going off and you occasionally respond. You have the laptop on just to try and distract you from having to watch them. He jokes and laughs but you just don't know what to do, its obvious you aren't finding any humor right now but you go along with it anyways. Your mind is racing. You think of anything he could possibly be forgetting and he says "I know babe I got it don't worry"... but you DO worry. Your mind is filled with all kinds of thoughts. Memories of what the last one was like, or if this is your first thoughts of how your going to get through this.

The only thing I can thing to say as he packs(besides the tears I try to hold back) is ........

"I'm gonna miss you"