"Oh Tonight"

I saw this on another blog and I thought it'd be fun to do. Haven't done these since the "myspace" days lol. I don't have much to say tonight. Pretty quiet night. I did realize one thing however.... I miss my husband.

ENJOY!

1. What are your middle names? Alexander and Rae

2. How long have you been together? Almost 2 years, married for almost 1.... still feels like a lifetime....

3. How long did you know each other before you started dating? Apparently a while - met at a party- but neither of us really remember that

4. Who asked who out? He did. I played hard to get ;)

5. How old are each of you? He's 23 and I am 24.....eek I am cradle robbin' lol

6. Did you go to the same school? Nope

7. Are you from the same home town? Eh. Sorta. our "towns" are just townships that are like 15 mins apart lol

8. Who is the smartest? Me, duh. Ok, just kidding. We've got different kinds of smarts. I'm a smart-ass, he's "tactical" smart... his intelligence is applicable to real life... well, his life anyway ;-)

9. Who majored in what? He's a major pain in my arse. LOL jk. He hasn't really decided on a major but I believe he would major in military history or some sort of trade. I would love to double major in CJ and family sciences so I could be a juvenile probation officer :)

10. Who is the most sensitive? Hmm... We can both be really sensitive. I am sensitive more often, I think.

11. Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? To hell and back... does that count? lol jk Probably to Albquerque for the PBR earlier this year.

12. Who has the worst temper? Me. Hands down.

13. How many children do you want? 2 but we've dabbled in the idea of 3.

14. Who does the cooking? Me unless its grilling- he's king of the grill.

15. Who is more social? We are both the type that will just start talking to anyone. That's kind of how we hit it off. We had no friends in common, no one introduced us, him and his friends just started talking to me and I started picking on him and we hit it off.

16. Who is the neat freak? Both and neither. We don't mind keeping clean but sometimes we get lazy. Unless company comes over I go OCD on that stuff.

17. Who is the most stubborn? Ohhh man. We're horribly stubborn people.

18. Who wakes up earlier? Helloooo he's been in the Army for how long!? he's awake before the sun. Me? I'd prefer to sleep til noon

19. Where was your first date? My secret.
20. Who has the bigger family? Me. By like 300

21. Do you get flowers often? More often than I would ask for! He's on top of it :)

22. How do you spend the holidays? We try our hardest to spend it all evenly with each of our parents (his parents, my moms, my daddy and step moms)

23. Who is more jealous? Me. He's very secure, knows I've only got eyes for him. I know he's only got eyes for me but I still will cut you if you look at him.

24. How long did it take to get serious? Not very long lol Some things are just meant to be :)

25. Who eats more? OhEmGee HIM.

26. What do you do for a living? I hang out. He saves the country and drives trucks.
Ok, seriously, I am an Animal Control officer (NOT LIKE THE TV SHOW) and Army Wifey (AGAIN, NOT LIKE THE TV SHOW) and now a new adventure as a truck drivers wife. He is in the United States Army.... was active duty till recently and is now reserves. He just started truck driving but has expressed interest in other fields and possibly going back to active duty.

27. Who does the laundry? I do most of it, but he has helped :)

28. Who's better with the computer? Probably me...

29. Who drives when you are together? Whew that is an arguement. He says my driving sucks, I say his is a nightmare...

30. What is your song? We are BIG music lovers we have so many we love but i'll name off a few:
~"Oh Tonight" -Josh Abbott Band
~"No Doubt About It" - Neal McCoy
~"My kind of woman/My kind of man" - Vince Gill
~"Amen kind of love"- Daryle Singletary
~"Cross my heart"- George Strait (everyone has that song)

<3

Tonight's Jam: A video I had made along with one of "our" songs :)

Missing "Me"

I know they say you change as you get older. I know it for a fact. The way I think, act, and look all tell me so. It's funny how I look back and see how much I have evolved as a person.

For starters:

~I cannot finish a 30 pack on my own anymore.

~I cannot stay up all day, night and then some.

~I cannot go all day without eating

~I cannot go without sleeping at least 5 hours (even that isn't enough)
~I cannot pick fights with everyone......... hahah just kidding, I still do that.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my life the way it is now. Granted with responsibility comes stress and lord knows we could all use a little LESS stress..... But with my "old" life I lived without an ounce of responsibility. I surely regret that now (DEBT!!!) but then again you can't live life with regrets, just remember the lesson and don't ever do that shit again!!!

In my "new" found self I now can:
~live on a budget

~save my liver a little more everyday

~not go insane on booze, instead I know my limits

~KNOW when to pick a fight

The point is I sometimes miss my "old" self. Not in how much booze I could put down or how much I partied because we all know I could hang with the best lol No I miss my self esteem I used to have... even though it wasn't much. I miss the drive I had,  I miss my creativity, my old body, my wild and silly self. I was always giggling, laughing, smiling and seeing the good in everything.

I keep wondering if life has sucked that out of me? With all of my "mistakes" I have made so far in my life I had to deal with some unwanted consequences and in doing so it seems to have made me pessimistic? I really want that part of me back. I want to smile a genuine smile. I want to close my eyes, feel the sun on my face, the breeze against my hair and feel good about myself. I know I need to reach deep down inside and find myself again. I really do. Perhaps if I find the good in me again, it will bring the "good" in my life again.....

RANDOM:
Was cleaning out the bookshelf and found my old "books" I wrote of poetry. Here's an old entry:

*KISS*

Close your eyes

And think of my face....

I'm Smiling

Open your lips, speak with your heart

and you can see my soul....

I'm Waiting

Place your arms around my waist

and you can embrace my uncertainty....

I'm Shaking

Press your lips against mine

and try to catch me...

I'm falling

Tonight's Jam:

The Story of the Moose.....

So it was brought to my attention... That my "moose" that I have - has a famous scene in the movie "The Princess Diaries 2". If you're not sure here's the clip courtesy of bootube:

SO. No. That is not where the "moose" comes from. If you haven't noticed, the URL "Teddy Moose Family" is what we call our family. The story goes:

While Brian was deployed this last deployment of course I missed him dearly. At the time we only had Diesel dog who was very bored with me as I spent my time at work, on the phone or glued to my laptop just to get every chance I could with Brian via the interwebs. During the winter, the cold gloomy days were awful having no one to cuddle with except fuzzball here lol. During one yahoo instant messanger conversation (before skype was "big") we had a video chat going and I was cuddled up in my big saddle blanket, Brian asked if I was warm enough? I said no, I needed him to cuddle with. He laughed and said, "What am I? A teddy bear?!" I said, "No honey your bigger than a bear you're like a moose! LOL Teddy Moose!"

And the name stuck.


"Moose" "Teddy Moose" "Mr. Moose" "TM" many nicknames came from that name and I, too got some nicknames following the same name just adding "MRS" to it. When we welcomed Shyanna and Dakoda into our family they too became our "little mooses". I know "mooses" isn't a word but it works lol.

So thats where "Teddy Moose" came from. Now when he got back from deployment, on his way into the states, they had stopped in Bangor, Maine. He bought me a stuffed moose at the airport lol. Little did he know I had done the same here! When we saw each other again we exchanged "mooses" and ever since they have been at our bedsides. When either of us has to leave for whatever amount of time, our moose go with us so we have that little bit of each other to go with us where ever we are.
Silly, I know. It's the little things that count <3

Tonight's Jam:

 

With a flip of a quarter......

Well as you may or may NOT have been following up with the story here.... Brian and I are going through a rough patch in our marriage. EVERY marriage has it's moments and NO ONE is "immune" from these days or moments in life.

Well I am HAPPY to report that we have gone 2 whole days without any arguing, fighting, or any negativity :)

Considering how awful things were before this is a big improvement. We hope to continue this pattern. I don't know what triggered this good wave of good juju latey and I don't plan on questioning it. Perhaps is me dealing with snot nosed, two faced biznatch Army Wives and given em a peace of my mind. LOL Either way I am so thrilled and hopeful and excited! I can't wait to see him again, although I don't know when that will be

On a sadder note my baby boy Diesel has come down with possibly "Kennel Cough". It breaks my heart when he gets sick or hurt cause I just wanna ease his pain, and unfortunately animals don't have the ability to tell you what is wrong, they have no voice to express their pains and sorrows :(

I have taken him to the vet before for what i thought was kennel cough and they gave me some suggestions to try and treat it at home, which is what i'm doing now = Robitussin. LOL Like a kid I have to chase him down and force it down his throat hehehe... I just pray it works! So prayers for me as well that he gets to feelin better!

My sis and I saw the last of our friends leave today. Deployments are awful I will admit, for ANYONE. Wife, Fiance, girlfriend, friend, sister, brother, cousin, mom, dad, aunt, uncle etc.... it's equally painful and equally hard to watch them leave. I pray for everyone's safe return soon<3

Well I am avoiding the dishes once more so I think i'll actually call it an early night tonight, considering I've only had about 2 hours of sleep last night..... Tomorrow I go back to rowing with the other slaves.... Bleh. I love my job but the lack of pay is really getting to me :(


Tonight's JAMMMMM:

.......

No words tonight..... Just a video that sums up how i'm feeling....

Warning?

Interesting night at work. Tried to give a girl a citation and she refused to give me her drivers license and said that she deserved a warning first.....

O.o

NO. You violated the law therefore you deserve a citation. I was hoping she would get arrested for it, she sure put up a fight, I know thats an awful thing to say but its the truth.....

anyhooters.......

Talked with Brian today, he is leaving tomorrow morning with his trainer and will be on the road for about a month straight..... our conversations will be cut in half at that point... not like we talk much anyways BUT still sucks. He sounded chipper and so did I. I do miss him. I feel if he was home we could fix things alot sooner and easier but THAT would be TOO convenient. Gotta work from scratch. He is still giddy over his box and so am I. It feels good when he shows appreciation. I know our situation could be a thousand times worse like many girls I know and i'm very lucky for that. I miss him so very much and I wish things could be different and granted we say "Well, what if...." but life isn't about "what if's" or "shoulda, coulda's" life is about the here and now and what to do to change the path you are going down.

Being busy at work has helped keep me from going insane, the always dirty house due to my lovely 3 brats is also helping. Have another d-day for another buddy who is leaving soon coming up and that'll of course break my heart again. My sister will hopefully be going with me again and she is always a much needed shoulder. I miss being apart of the "Army-sisterhood" because I had many shoulders to lean on but ever since we got out seems all that support was pulled out from under me so it has been tough to have to remember what it was like to have to depend on only myself again.... it's not impossible task but it's still hard. I can do it, i've had to do it before many times.

I am really wanting a steady sleep schedule back again, that for sure I miss the most.....

*yawn*

Tonight's Jam (I feel like some comedy): LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING!!!

Better days ahead

While today was a little stressful and what not in my mind... it was a bit clouded.

Brian sent a few nice and meaningful text messages. I was happy he got my little care package that I sent him while he is away. Been thinking alot today and it's been a long thought.

I want to fix things with my husband but with him gone........... I don't know HOW or even if we can?!

That hardest thing I guess is putting myself back out there again.... I tried so hard and when things began to fell through I felt myself pulling back into my shell that I get into.

I don't do well with bad things in my life. I may have to be "tough" but I am quick to build a wall around my heart and just because I am married I don't see myself from NOT doing that anymore. I protect my heart like a mother bear protects her cub....

Either way I have issues thinking lately...... especially since I just about burned the house down just now.... (left a pot of boiling water empty)

*sigh* bedtime is gonna come early I think. Instead of 3am i'm gonna shoot for 1am hahah

Tonights Jam:

"Save My Marriage"

..............................Where the F**k do I start!?!

In "Normal" situations we could go to marriage counseling or therapy or happy hour or something...

But.

He's gone?

No idea where to start. We want to fix things. We BOTH want things to be as they used to be. Granted things will never be the same because WE are not the same. We've said and done things and have changed.....now the challenge is to change with it, let our marriage change, evolve and grow.

There are some personal issues I have within myself that I feel the need to correct..... I think if I can heal myself I can help heal our marriage. I know Brian has to do the same but his are a little bit more difficult to deal with so I guess I can leave it be. Regardless, someday (I hope soon) we can sit down and work through this together. But for now is finding where the "slack" is in our marriage. We don't work as a team and we need to. This marriage is more than he or I - it's US and WE need to UNITE to figure this shit out.... Here's to hoping for really fixing things this time around.....

My head is itchy today... I wish It was my left hand.... old wives' tale: itchy left hand= money. Lord knows we could use it.

Gonna start looking around for some assistance here for marriage counseling or some kind of therapy that will accept the fact that it'll probably be just me for now till he can either come home or some other arrangements can be made.

Gonna watch "Interview with A Vampire" and dream of things that'll never happen

Tonight's song:

Remind me......

Sometimes I can't help but remember how wonderful it was to be a newlywed.

what it was like to be so head over heels mushy-gushy in love......

Now that awful feeling knowing that moment has gone and disappeared.

Now we strive for that feeling and moment again but at the same time wondering if we're better off.

I fear what once was is now lost forever. It scares me.

Do I want to give up? -yes Can I? -not really.

I wish I had a single sign or guidance of some kind. I sure feel so alone and lost and I just wish things would be different. I can't help but think back and wish to change things..... Never had so many regrets before in my life and suddenly it's every little thing. I heard this song (Tonight's song) and it fits. I want that happiness back again. I wanna feel that love again. I am so burned out and tired......

I don't want to fight anymore
I don't want to argue anymore
I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to feel helpless or alone anymore
I don't want to feel lost or stressed anymore
I don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck with 2 incomes anymore
I don't want to be unhappy anymore.

I want THIS back!!

Tonight's Song: